Down to Bed, Up to Heaven

Down to Bed, Up to Heaven

Now I lay me

Down to bed,

Closing mine eyes, I

Rest my weary head.

If breath doth fail

Before I awaken,

I do presume, then

My soul to be

Taken

Away from the

Misery

And life’s woes,

No longer worrying

O’er mere earthly foes.

The battle was fought,

The battle was won–

My Lord greets me,

“Dear Friend–

Well Done.”

 

_________________________________________

In loving memory of Jane Moore, mother, grandmother, sister and mother-in-law. Passed away the eve of Sept. 25th, 2018, EST. Age: 87.

__________________________________________

Image Credit:

http://willoughbyandassociates.com/tools/puerta-del-cielo.php

 

 

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Olivia’s Fictional “NT List”

Olivia’s Fictional “NT List”

 

OK, I know I’ve talked about this numerous times on social media, and even a bit here. So I figured it’s high-time to grab the bull by the horns, so as to speak, and cut to the chase on that list.

But, before we do, some may ask, “What the heck IS an “NT”?”

Oh, I am so glad you asked. (Refer back to my MBTI posts for more refs, especially my INTJ and INTP posts) NTs are one of the four Meyers-Briggs Personality groups, each with four separate sub-groups. To make this simpler:

NTs: INTJs, ENTJs, ENTPs, INTPs

NFs: INFJs, ENFJs, ENFPs, INFPs

STs: ISTJs, ESTJs, ESTPs, ISTPs

SFs: ISFJs, ESFJs, ESFPs, ISFPs

 

NT types tend to be theoretical, highly intelligent, argumentative/”devil’s advocate”, sometimes neurotic, witty, very sarcastic, but generally pretty loyal at their core, and ultimately idealists and truth-seekers. I tend to be attracted the most to these types more than any other MBTI types, and have the tendency to blame my INFJ-ness on that. I noticed a particular pattern of attractions, whether healthy or unhealthy, in YA fiction, and, upon further investigation, realized it was all within the same MBTI group. And more specifically, there was a VERY large crowd of INTJs (that seems to be popular in YA fantasy and sci-fi. You’ll see why momentarily). So, initially, it was the “xNTJ List,” thanks to a certain indie publishing master who helped coin the phrase for me, 😉  (Why not, “INTJ List”? Casimir, an ENTJ, of course made it.).

But then, stuff happened. And I was made to add a couple of ENTPs (who are quite attractive, btw) to the Precious. Thus making me throw my hands up into the stagnant air of my “cave dwelling” (read: my bedroom, which I seldom leave), and yell, “TO HECK WITH IT,” at my ceiling stickered with wall-puttied plastic glow-in-the-dark celestial bits. And thus, the OFFICIAL “Fictional NT Guys L4G Likes in Most Any Way” was birthed. It was a difficult, trying, but nonetheless beautiful birth.

And now it is here for you to peruse at your leisure, to your enjoyment, to your amusement, or perhaps, to your enrage-ment. I do not pretend to share everyone’s fancies of the ideally-typed mate (I know many prefer Elias… Cough… NF type… Cough…Not that there’s anything WRONG with that, being INFJ myself 😉 Just more into NTs) , nor do I pretend that I’d WANT to actually date many of these characters on this list (or that THEY would want to date ME, for that matter… Just ask their authors. LOL.). This is simply a cataloging of personal favorites, and why I like them so much.

And, as per usual, they WILL be somewhat categorized (me being the J-type planner that I am), but they will be listed in no certain order, i.e., from, “least liked to most liked,” etc. Just a regular listing. 🙂

 

WARNING! THERE WILL BE SPOILERS! NOW IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO BACK OUT!!!

DISCLAIMER: ALL OPINIONS/INSIGHTS ARE MY OWN. I AM NOT BEING PAID TO ADVERTISE ANY BOOKS, ETC., I LOVE THEM THAT MUCH. MY LIST MAY BE EDITED TO INCLUDE MORE CHARACTERS AS I READ MORE, SO FEEL FREE TO CHECK BACK, IF YOU WANT. 

LIVFORGOD’S FICTIONAL MALE NT LIST:

  1. Casimir

MBTI Type: ENTJ

Series: The Star-Fae Trilogy by Sarah Delena White, including Halayda, and soon-to-be-released Rothana. 

Why He Made the Cut: I can empathize with him, even though we would likely clash IRL. I’m genuinely curious about his past. What happened to him that made him want to change his destiny–along with everyone else’s– so bad? Did he see his, and it was so horrid he became determined to change it? According to his author, he is willing to pursue his ideal and objectives for the betterment of everyone (in his eyes), even while sacrificing his own happiness to achieve it. This makes me saddened, and I want him to have at least some sort of happiness in his life. Even if it be Diza 😉 . Plus, he’s got the very cool, “combine magic with alchemy” thing going on, so there’s that, too. This antag’s got the full support of his favorite minion all the way!

Thurandil

(Yes, IK that is LOTR, but roll with me here– the Star-Fae Trilogy sadly has few, very few, fandom artists…)

2. The Darkling

MBTI Type: INTJ

Series: Both the Shadow and Bone Trilogy and the short story, When Water Sang Fire from The Language of Thorns, by the notorious Leigh Bardugo. Hopefully, more to come… 😉

Why He Made the Cut: Even the author herself has seriously questioned numerous fangirls’ defenses of this guy. My guess on THEIR reasoning is, they like how hot he is, how physically seductive he is. While this played a MINOR factor in my judgement of him, I was seriously impressed by two things– his intellect and his complexity/humanness. Despite him regarding emotions and wanting as weakness (we ALL know that infamous line, c’mon!), as an xNTJ type– we all know he actually has a well-guarded soft side for the Grisha, his people, and for underdogs. He doesn’t open up and show that tertiary Fi too often, but he often takes a personal interest in Alina, her habits, her past, how her day was, if people are picking on her, etc. He personally relates to her, and is shown to respect (even if he sometimes disagrees with) her view in several instances. He even shows a gentler, more sympathetic if defensive/protective side to her, to Genya in The Tailor, and to Sylvi and even Annika in Demon in the Wood. I think, if he hadn’t been driven pride-, ambition-, and power-mad, he genuinely would have been a good person. We see those glimpses of goodness in him– he just doesn’t want to be alone.

The-Grisha-Trilogy-image-the-grisha-trilogy-36707139-245-242

3. Sorek 

MBTI Type: ENTP

Series: The Purification Era Series by Angie Grigaliunas

Why He Made the Cut: OK, initially, with this guy– I was not planning on letting him onto this list. No way, no how. I viewed him as a total BLEEP who deserved to go to you-know-where with what he fake-tried to do to Rab (though I can understand why he did it). But the more I got to know him, the more I thought, “Hey, he’s like a more complex version of Nikolai!” And guess what? It’s true. He may not be a pirate or royalty, but he knows how to chameleon very well, to blend in and act with all of his “peers” at the time– something Bardugo only touches on a few times, and that Angie delves into deeply. His complexity is seriously impressive, and his snarkiness, particularly with his crush Rab, made Nik’s actually look fairly tame– all while having me howling and rolling on the floor, clutching my stomach. He is also secretly VERY compassionate, and goes out of his way to help others if they genuinely need it.

Sorek

4. Hideo Tanaka

MBTI Type: INTJ

Series: Warcross duology by Marie Lu

Why He Made the Cut: Ok, I swear Lu’s been peeking at Bardugo’s notes for Darky. Hot, mysterious, high-profile leader/boss guy with shrouded past? Check. Intense, innovative, idealistic intellect that he could use to take over countries with? Double check. Carefully but casually selected a seemingly nobody girl with special abilities and potential, ends up falling for her, hard, and flirts with her in a very coy, subtle, and VERY INTJ way? Triple check. Oh, and let’s not forget the mental and emotional link Darky and Alina had sounds remarkably similar to LINK WITH HIDEO? But, I’m not here to discuss character similarities. All that to say, Hideo is a complex, protective, guarded individual and 21 yo company head honcho who is basically a well-meaning-genius-who-goes-wrong-temporarily, and does everything he can for the sake of his family, his loved ones (including Emika, who he tries to protect numerous times, as well– and she, him. They are adorable, I’ll admit it. INTJ-INTP pairing, right there. Sigh….). Sold.

HideoTanaka

4. Nikolai Lantsov

MBTI Type: ENTP (100% certain)

Series: The Shadow and Bone Trilogy, Crooked Kingdom, and, soon, King of Scars, by Leigh Bardugo

Why He Made the Cut: Pirate… err, Privateer. Snarkiest man alive on the high seas, matey, and the most charismatic, too. He gives great, fairly sound advice, especially on politics. I think the only ones he’s failed to fully and successfully charm are Alina and the Darkling, who, on two different accounts, find him either somewhat annoying, or very annoying/a threat. Unlike his childish, perv father, and horrid half-brother, he actually cares about his country and its inhabitants, and is extremely loyal to them and his friends. Oh, and did I mention he’s an undercover Prince/now-King in disguise? I didn’t? Oh, well, there’s this, too…

“”Not bad looking?” said another voice. “He’s damnably handsome.”

Luchenko scowled. “Since when–“

“Brave in battle, smart as a whip.” Now the voice seemed to be coming from above us. Luchenko craned his neck, peering into the trees. “An excellent dancer,” said the voice. “Oh, and an even better shot.”

“Who–” Luchenko never got to finish. A blast rang out, and a tiny black hole appeared between his eyes.

I gasped. “Imposs-“

“Don’t say it,” muttered Mal.

Then chaos erupted. ” (excerpt from  Ruin and Rising by Leigh Bardugo, pg. 119.)

I rest my case.

VolcraCake

(In honor of King of Scars, and the King of witty Scarcasm. Hope I’ve made ya proud, Leigh. 😉 )

5. AIDAN (Artificial Intelligence Defense Analytics System) 

MBTI Type: INTJ

Series: The Illuminae Files by Amie Kaufman and Jay Kristoff.

Why He/It Made the Cut:  AIDAN is technically a machine, a program, so as far as the story is concerned, and is one of those characters that I think was extremely well written, and well-developed, but at the same time, just because I like a character doesn’t mean I have to naturally agree with their worldview, and I definitely heavily disagree with the majority of AIDAN’s. Kristoff, the primary writer of AIDAN in particular, seems to have a natural knack for getting you to root for all the charmingly beasty AIs who’re seriously crushing on their human girl heroines (no, I’m not joking here). Even though it’s crazy and weird and kinda sorta unnatural. Just kinda sorta. (Read: <ERROR> I was so <ERROR> distraught when <ERROR> AIDAN did not get to <ERROR> confess his/it love <ERROR> to Kady that first time… <ERROR><ERROR>) He/it is just this… mechanized, artificial version of a classic INTJ. 90% logical, 10% emotional. A tough exoskeleton on the outside, softer wires and a heart-chip ready and willing to be broken (for Kady’s sake) on the inside. Never mind that he/it is a terror and a genius at getting people killed in a “merciful” way, if it means preserving Kady– and as much of his/its fleet– as possible. He/It will do anything he/it can to protect them, even if only by the most extreme means. He/It narrates much of the story, when it’s not in text/documented format, and shows a more artistic, very poetical side to him/it, and even referring to Kady as his/its “queen,” in a chess-sense, at one point. He/it tends to be a subtle romantic, but ultimately discloses his/its feelings for her at the end. T.T #WhyMustYouAuthorsBreakMyHeart

AIDAN

6. Lord Masrekah

MBTI Type: INTJ

Series: The Purification Era Series by Angie Grigaliunas

Why He Made the Cut: For a while, like Sorek, I didn’t with this guy. I just didn’t. He wasn’t quite as brutal with Rab as Sorek had been when he tested her fealty to rebellion, but I still got a vibe from him I wasn’t sure about. Turns out, again, we have another Darky-ish dude running around town square– albeit a blonder, more militarized version. 😉 His softer side does poke its head out with Ari, though, and we learn he genuinely regrets being a total BLEEP to Rab, but due to male-esque pride, won’t up and apologize to her for it (not that she’d believe him, anyways. LOL.). He’s clearly affectionate towards Ari, Rab’s younger sister (something Rab is not pleased about), but is well-meaning and respectful, as well as extremely protective of her (love that feature about INTJ dudes… SO LOYAL AND FREAKING PROTECTIVE, LIKE, “I DON’T WANT MY LOVED ONES AND MY SMOL CINNAMON ROLL BABIES TO GET HURT HERE BUT NEVER GONNA SAY THAT OUT LOUD K BYE” xD). Mas also, just like the Darkling, has something of a soft spot for animals, judging on his connection with his horse, Scourge. 🙂

Masrekah

7. Prince Zephryn Nightstalker

MBTI Type: INTJ

Series: The Ironfire Legacy Series by Janeen Ippolito (aka, “Janeen the Snark Queen” 😉 )

Why He Made the Cut: Evil genius-evil=Genius. MAJOR bookworm and recluse, yet caring and protective in his own dragonish, INTJ way. Love his bluntness, and willingness to stand up for Kesia, even when she’s the one cutting herself down. Definitely a brainiac and a constant knowledge-seeker; there’s no problem a book can’t help fix/advise on!

Zephryn

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Image Credit:

Cobalt Dragon

https://www.modelmayhem.com/JordonL

https://www.tumblr.com/search/kristoff%20quotes

https://www.tumblr.com/search/prince%20nikolai%20lantsov

 

 

http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/the-grisha-trilogy/images/36707139/title/darkling-photo

Trigger Finger (previously entitled, “Trigger’d”)

Trigger Finger (previously entitled, “Trigger’d”)

Red

Is all I see

Reflecting off the comments,

Right back at me.

My heart revs like a

Car doing seventy

In a thirty; my

Hands quake, as though

Naught could

Slake

My nerves’ anxiety.

 

The words, so

Carelessly

Typed–

Weren’t they out

Of angst, anger, or some

Other injustice, even

Murder?–

Pierc’d my vessel

Straight to my

Soul,

Making my skin

Flush more crimson

Than hot coals;

My shaky hands, I try

To control

Because

If I do

Not

Then my

Whole

Being

And Nature

Is subject

To the

Sin.

 

I swallow, I weep,

I breathe, then

After

Thought…

Delete.

_______________________________________________

Image Credit:

The Statue

The Statue

I saw sitting on

The porch swing today

A small bird that had

Yet to fly away.

Speck’ld and still,

It must have

Taken

Great skill

And courage

To stay put.

To be curt, I

I thought it

Had been hurt,

Or even

Deceas’d,

For its verbos’ty

And movements

Had near but

Ceas’d.

I got close, just a pinch

But the still little

Bird

Did not even flinch.

I sat down

On the swing,

But the brave avian

Had moved not a wing.

It watched me with

The watchful blink,

I had to wonder,

What to think.

bird1

MBTI: The INTJ Masterminds

MBTI: The INTJ Masterminds

Hi, everyone! So, important announcement… Today is the first official type post day! *throws confetti gleefully* 😀 (Sorry to all you Thinkers, that was my Fe acting up. Lol.)

So, here’s how we’ll normally do a MBTI type post: Cognitive function stack-ups, how this manifests the type’s personality in the real world/characteristics, and give you a rough idea of their worldview (how they view themselves, others, the world in general, and problems), maybe how we can understand them better (or, that may be a sub-post. Just saying.), and maybe a real-life example (was going to do fictional characters, but that, along with celebs, is a bit cliche and unnecessary– so instead we’re doing more of historical characters, and *maybe* one or two personal examples 😉 I’ve a couple good ones here, for INTPs… ) if we’ve time. But, since we’ve already covered the functional stack-ups of the INTJ in our previous post on that topic (because examples are wonderful things), I figured, we can just cut to the bone here.

So, the cognitive stack-ups show us the order in which functions are used, the matter of functional preference– and, in this case, which functions the type allows you to witness.

INTJs, due to having Fi and Se as Tertiary and Inferior functions, can be or feel a bit socially awkward, and sometimes cover for this with a calm, polite, if a little aloof facade. Contrary to the social norm, due to the complexity of their Ni and the brainy Te, INTJs usually prefer having their noses in a book, hands and mind working on some complex project that many people may not understand. Now, that doesn’t mean they are stand-offish or entirely unsocial. They tend to cautiously dip their toes into the shallow end of the social people with others, particularly strangers, before conversing (kudos to the cool cat who got that reference from said INTJ, btw. 😉 ). For instance, when I first met my future besties (two of which were INTJ twins), the twins were a little distant. Not cold or anything, distant. Cautious. Feeling me out, vibe-wise, with that unconscious Ni, while slowly but surely getting to know me. Now that SEVEN years have passed, they’ve peeled back a few of those layers for me, to reveal warmer, more caring, and at times very fun-loving, underbellies. And once you’re friends with an INTJ, you’re often with them for life. They are loyal to the end (which is why most of this incredibly guarded type have an relatively low tolerance scale for betrayal…). But they are very smart and cautious about who they let into their inner circle of good friends.

Ni-dominant, they are generally also very innovative, inventive, creative, and future-oriented. They use inferior Se to detect things at that time and place, and Ni uses those things to subconsciously go, “Ah HAH!” This is why they seem to know people so well, how they know what might just happen if you hypothetically did XYZ instead of ABC. It often frustrates them that others don’t notice or seem to care, even when said INTJ is trying to give advice on or critique things that matter a lot to them or to people they care about– only to have said advice/critique brushed away carelessly. The INTJ cannot stand incompetence (it therefore blows my mind that I’VE so many INTJ female friends and acquaintances, haha…), this is one of their major pet peeves. But if you’re a competent individual with incredible know-how in your field, it is very likely they’ll respect you for that, or ask your opinion on something related to it. This is one way you’ll know they like you for who you are. INTJs don’t do fake, they look for truth, authenticity. In fact, they are probably one of the least likely to be conned or manipulated types (them, and INTPs). They generally hate deceit, which is likely why they take betrayals so badly.

Additionally, being in the NT group, they are a very argumentative and sarcastic type, which can be a turn-off to some, particularly to those who don’t like conflict. But they rarely get personal in these arguments, as they are not fans of ad hominem, and have a strong sense of justice (and are capable of telling how far is too far in pushing someone). One of the twins told me, for instance, once how she was arguing with a girl in an online university group over proper attire for young women to wear at a Christian school. (My bestie was in favor of pants, but of course.) Said INTJ twin used only facts and pure logic to argue and back up her point, while the other girl, becoming increasingly frustrated, started to personally attack while recycling her previous points, and essentially swimming around in a meager argumentative circle, not making any progress. (Basically, the INTJ bestie destroyed her argument 🙂 ) They don’t always argue to say they disagree, however– this is something common with many NT types. They will sometimes test an idea, maybe even your own idea, by arguing against it to see how strongly it stands up to criticism, if it’s for real. In a sense, depending on the circumstance, this can be considered a huge compliment; they don’t do this with just anyone’s ideas!

Understanding INTJs: Being the second to rarest type (INFJ just barely beats it there), INTJs can often and easily be misunderstood. But one of the things to remember about them is: give respect if you want respect. Listen to and consider what they have to say, at least, even if you don’t fully agree with them. They  generally value competence (being good at what you do, and knowing how to do it right) and uniqueness, and often, since healthy ones are typically advocates for justice and honesty, look out for the underdog, if they can. While they do, like all types, have a dark side if pushed to it, they make excellent, highly intelligent, and very loyal friends and family members who aren’t afraid of NOT sugarcoating the truth, if you ask for it.

 

Historical INTJs: Nikola Tesla, C.S. Lewis, Susan B. Anthony, Isaac Newton, John Maynard Keynes, Martin Luther, Sylvia Plath, G.W.F. Hegel– to name a few!

 

Famous person source:

https://www.personalityclub.com/blog/famous-intj/

 

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Image Credit:

https://www.personalityclub.com/blog/famous-intj/

Psychological help/Credit: Steve Brock, aka “The MBTIGuy”

 

MBTI: How Do You Stack Up?

Hey, everyone!

Sorry I’ve been out of commission… But then, you guys are probably sick and tired of me apologizing, so I’ll cut to the chase here.

No, I was not lying when I said I would be posting more Meyers-Briggs Personality stuff. You’ll have to get used to that.

And sadly, Janeen won’t be helping me; however, my new MBTI bud Steve, aka “The MBTI Guy,” and super-smart INTP who I highly respect, will be collaborating with me on pretty much most if not all of the MBTI posts from here on out. Meaning, I’ll be writing up, he’ll help correct any major psychological goof-ups I make, since I’m still fairly new to all this. So we’re good? OK, I think we’re good.

Now, MBTI functional stack-ups.

That sounds really formal and intimidating, so we’ll break it down quickly: Personality. Functions (Intuition, Sensing, Thinking, and Feeling). And how you use them, in what order. You have your Dominant/Primary function, the one you use first, your Auxiliary function, which is used second (kind of like a co-pilot, it often works in conjunction with your Dominant), your Tertiary function (relatively unconscious and undifferentiated, sometimes balanced with the Auxiliary function, as in the case of INFJs or INTJs), and finally, the Inferior function (this one’s the “weakest” function, the least used, the one that’s like a little kid). You also have mirror shadow functions, but we’ll get to them in a later post.

This is important, because depending on the order, it influences on how you interact with the world around you, with others, and with problems you encounter. Whether the function is introverted or extraverted makes a HUGE difference, too, but again, another large topic for a larger, different post.

Here, I’ll use the example of the infamous INTJ, the “Mastermind” type, as they are so often called (I’ve known many other very brilliant types, BTW, not just INTJs, but they ARE some of the best straight-A students I’ve seen in school 😉 ). Their Dominant function is introverted Intuition, or Ni, and they follow that up with extraverted Thinking, Te, as their Auxiliary function, have Fi (introverted Feeling) as their Tertiary, and finally, possess an Inferior function of Se (extraverted Sensing). Let’s see how this pans out:

Depending on the type,  people will often “conceal”, or internalize, their introverted functions. Introverted individuals will internalize introverted Dominant functions, and bring out their extraverted Auxiliary (hence why I often get mistaken for an extravert– my Auxiliary is extraverted Feeling!), whereas natural extraverts emphasis their extraverted Dominant functions and internalize their introverted Auxiliary ones.

Here, the INTJ “conceals” Ni, showing their extraverted Auxiliary, Te, and often appearing very brainy. They use their head, not their heart, when tackling problems, dealing with people, etc, which can make them seem cold or a bit distant emotionally at times– but, remember, Fi? That’s their Tertiary function, so underneath the guardedness, if you’re good friends, they’ll often show a loyal, softer side after you eventually are blessed enough to get past their high-security exoskeleton (I speak from experience). But the Te, the logical, factual, concrete side, hones in that mental toughness, and the Ni gives the unconscious nudge in their gut to know whether or not people can be trusted, or if something’s a good idea or not. The dynamic duo tag-team to help each other out. Lastly, their extraverted Sensing, their Inferior function, is often felt to be the “missing,” function, because it is used so little. In general, Inferior functions tend to be more unconscious since they are used least– the irony here being that extraverted Sensing is usually a very apparent trait. While some people are often in search of their “missing function,” this weak function can at times twist into our darker, more immature sides, and are normally responsible for “ego issues,” when a person is in an unhealthy state. For instance, Se-users, especially ones that use Se as their Dominant or Auxiliary function, are very live-in-the-moment, very “YOLO”. An unhealthy INTJ in the grip of their Inferior Se becomes more impulsive, more childlike and living in the moment, rather than seeing the consequences of such actions long-term, as the combination of Ni-Te would dictate. (You can think of Sheldon Cooper here, if that helps. 🙂 ) But as long as the Inferior function knows its place in the pecking order, and does its duty properly, it shouldn’t be too much of an issue.

Well, that’s some of the bare-boned basics of MBTI Cognitive Function Stacking! Let us know if you enjoyed this, and if you’ve any questions! We’ll be posting our first MBTI type post (thinking of starting with INTJs, actually! Many people are fascinated by them…) fairly soon, so keep your eyes peeled for that! 😉

____________________

Sources: 

https://personalityjunkie.com/the-inferior-function/

https://personalityjunkie.com/functional-stack-type-dynamics-theory/

 

Fear

(TRIGGER WARNING: This poem encompasses some of my darkest, inner fears, from a formerly depressive and suicidal-thinking young woman. I would never actually physically do this to myself, but I won’t lie and say I’ve never been tempted to do so, to protect myself in a bizarre, harmful fashion. It is entirely possible to guess my primary fear from this poem alone.)

 

***It claws at

Me,

Hungry,

Caged,

Trapped

Inside; a monster

Yearning for

Release.***

 

I peer into the

Depths

Of the mirror; A

Wide set of

Gray, shifting

Eyes, rimmed

With long

Dark

Lashes

Peer back; I

Gently trace my curves

With my knife,

Knowing

What must be

Done.

I make the scarring

Incisions, one by

One, til the

Deed

Is finally

Done.

Scars and bruises,

I am bloodied-up

Refuse;

The natural rouge

Shall be my new

Look, lashes snipped off the

Lids, little jagged lines running

All across

My lips.

Dagger marks around my

Thighs,

With my knife handy, I’ve

Cut down twice my

Size.

Chunks of hair

Ripped, chopped out

Without a

Care

In the entire world.

No longer lovely,

But no longer

In

Harm’s

Way.

 

Beauty can so

Easily become

A target

For men to

Market,

Or to just

To take

And never

Give, but if I

Want to

Live

Not just survive, it

Is not enough

To remain

Only alive.

 

I breathe.

I believe

That

.

.

.

I

Am

Safe

Now.

 

***Author’s note: The first stanza is told from another perspective. Contrary to the belief of some, I do not have a fear of men; I know, just like women, they are a barrel of mixed apples– some good, others bad. I have met both, and often befriended some of the good ones. I have brothers, biological and in Christ. This is not meant to be taken as a feminist rant against those men, as I do not consider myself a feminist by today’s standards, no, especially by today’s standards. This is not a poem against men, rather, it is a poem fearful of a particular sin that men can commit. I do not know why I was called to share these darker thoughts with you, only that I was led to do so. I have many similar thoughts, but again, have never acted on any of them. Love the sinner, despise the sin, and do not let the monster grow within. ***